Wednesday, January 28, 2009

LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP

I love blog world--when I'm not hating blog world. Don't get me wrong, it has been a great avenue for inspiration, information, keeping connected, getting to know folks, learning new skills, etc. It's been an escape when I couldn't afford a vacation and needed to get out of Dodge and a companion when I have felt very alone. Staring at my computer screen, wrapped in my cozy robe, I have laughed when I needed to laugh and cried when I needed to cry. Of course, that's the love part.

The same world has assaulted me when I was down by making me feel inadequate and invisible. At times, if I'm not careful, it feeds my insecurities and reminds me of the sins that so easily beset me like jealousy and discontentment.

Patty, a new blogger, posted something that really spoke to my heart yesterday. She wrote--composed would be a better word and quite poetically I might add--about how sometimes a dream is just naturally sacrificed in the process of making choices--no matter how great or noble the choices. (my paraphrase, forgive me, Patty) Blog world can be a reminder of dreams that will never be fulfilled. Seeing others apparently living *my* dreams can stir up emotions better left in hibernation. And facing the demons of bad choices--mine and others--that killed dreams along the way can be excruciating.

Reminders of the sovereignty of God in all things are needed daily and sometimes hourly. Every choice, every decision--no matter how insignificant--set into motion the here and now. It's not the season to go all George Bailey on you, nevertheless, other choices along the way would have dissolved most of what my life looks like now. Interesting. Who would I prefer not knowing? I won't answer that. Which child would I like to have not delivered? Well, I better not answer that one either. What would the chances of ever living in the state that bleeds orange have been if just one of my *lost* dreams had come true? Probably no chance. That one was much easier to answer. *grin* You probably get my point.

Obviously, nothing has caught God by surprise, and He most definitely knew exactly where I would be in 2009, and He has prepared me as He saw fit for such a time as this. It's my responsibility to remain faithful, willing, and teachable. As long as blog world provides me with opportunities to laugh and cry and think, while challenging me to go deeper with Him--even through the exposing of those besetting sins, I'll be here.

3 comments:

Candace C said...

Denise, I share your feelings about blogging. Everything you said is so true! Thanks for sharing, I loved reading it. You said it much more eloquently than I ever could have!

edie said...

Wow.....your writing is very wonderful and raw at the same time. I think we all feel that way at times, Denise. Funny thing is, we look at others and suppose they don't....that their dreams are somehow coming true while we do another load of laundry and clean the same dirty floors. I so appreciate your conclusion...that we need Him. To make sense of it all. To heal the broken parts. To be the fulfillment of our dreams. I'll definitely be back to read this one again. Thank you so much for putting to words what I know I've felt before.

patty said...

hello again, denise. i'm glad to have this opportunity to get to know you on this level... not just chasing girls into dance studios and make-shifting when things are forgotten ;). my blog took a lot out of me (a surprise to the venting of very deep feelings-i thought it would be freeing), but reading yours and even edie's comment proves that we all share similar feelings and thought, but virtue of being mothers?, being women?, being human?, being bloggers? maybe b/c we are all. i still don't know if fully "letting go" of dreams is ok for me; so i'm still keeping mine. i'm just keeping it wrapped real tightly! maybe i'll hide it under the bed, too...