It has been an emotional week for many. I have prayed for my friend, Edie, and her husband and her children. I feel her pain even though my home has never burned to the ground. I feel her pain not because I want to, but because I need to. It doesn't matter if everything inside of me is screaming that is is not about me; I know that in some ways it is. I still have lessons to learn when it comes to loss.
We all face it at some point--and we are rarely expecting it or have prepared for it. Things--in an instant change--forever. But we know that all things work together for good to those that love the Lord and that our ways are not His ways. And with every ounce of faith you can muster up, you will yourself to believe it and accept it. And the idea of faith being fused with actions is repeated in your mind--in the lucid moments. And you take that one step. And then you take another. And then you are actually living the life of faith. You become a doer and not just a hearer. And it is hard. It is very hard.
And life goes on--but the music has changed, and your steps must now be chosen to match the new rhythm and beat. And you adjust--just like they said you would. And you return to the land of the living for a season or two or three.
And then, from time to time, you are invited to return to that place. You would like to decline, but your heart actually wants to go there--to that place that you have so neatly tucked away. Because it is now part of what defines you. It is a place of wonder and pain and what-ifs. Wonder at the sheer thought of survival. Pain at what that survival cost you--or what you think it cost you. And the realization that not one thing that is present reality would look the same if not for the past reality. Not one thing. One simple--or not so simple--veer in your life's path, and everything changes. There are no what-ifs.
And you realize that you wouldn't change a thing--you couldn't change a thing. This is your wonderful life. And the intimate moments with the Lord as He wraps His loving arms around you and patiently teaches you the lessons you must learn become what you yearn for. And the question changes from Why? to What now, Lord? And you accept the fact that we look through a mirror dimly. And you accept the fact that some things just cant be replaced, because there is no replacement value calculated on the loss of what could have been. There is no price on broken dreams or broken hearts or broken memories.
And as Edie texted me on Christmas morning: The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
And through acceptance comes growth and a closer walk with the God that is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow--the God that is the constant when life spins out of control. And when others suffer loss, He is the God that reminds you that His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in weakness. And through the tears, you heal a bit more. And you pray for the same for others.
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
