JOURNEY 2012

I knew in my heart that 2012 was going to be a year in which something major was going to happen.  I could sense that the Lord was changing my direction and clearly speaking to me about the last half of my life.  The year started with a fast, and over the next few months, I spent more time praying and searching for answers than I ever had in my 32 years of walking with Him.   

I felt compelled to know the perfect will of God.  There was an urgency that I could not release. 

I have flippantly called 2012 the year from hell.  And I suppose I have good reason to say that.  It started with an IRS audit and was followed by a total upheaval at work in which three key people resigned. I was one of them.  

On the last day of school, with the hope for time to refresh, recover, and redirect, my husband collapsed with a medication-induced thyroid storm which landed him in the hospital, fighting for his life.  Memorial Day weekend was spent in the intensive care unit. 

And, of course, that was followed by "the accident" on the 4th of July that would forever change our lives.  Nate and Noah went to be with the Lord, and we were left with the trauma and loss.   

Honestly, every time I say that it was the year from hell, I feel a bit uneasy.  It's as if I'm giving the enemy, Satan, too much credit.  I am quite certain that God did not send the storms of 2012, but He did allow them. And if He allowed them, then I have choices to make. 

Will I trust Him enough to claim His promise of all things working together for good?  Will I testify of His provision through it all?  Will I rest in knowing that His love never fails?  Will I continue to point others to the cross?  Those are easy to answer.  Of course, I will.  Thirty-two years of faith has ingrained that kind of response. 

The harder question for me is Will I act on the word that I received prior to the day when that line of demarcation was drawn?

Until now, it did not seem possible.  I'm not sure it is yet.  Why?  Because words from the Lord are hard and involve risk.  They get the enemy's attention.  And my word involves a big dream; and honestly, I am afraid of failure and attack.  I am still grieving hard and recovering physically, mentally, and spiritually.

But God's word to me was specific and clear. 

I read several books during my quest for answers last year.  Some of what resonated with my spirit is written in my journal.  

The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson

• If your prayers aren't impossible to you, they are insulting to God.
• Nothing honors God more than a big dream that is way beyond our ability to accomplish.
• If you aren't willing to put yourself in "this is crazy" situations, you'll never experience "this is awesome" moments.

Passion to Action by Jay and Beth Loecken

• Most people would rather let go of their passion than take the risk necessary to see it come to fruition.

Anything by Jennie Allen

• The only exercise that works 100% of the time to draw one close to the real God is risk.
• To risk is to willingly place your life in the hand of an unseen God and an unknown future, then to watch Him come through.
• You have to thank God for the seemingly good and the seemingly bad because really, you don't know the difference.
• We love our earth.  We love our people.  We love our stuff.  We love our schedules.  We love our short lives here.  And God is saying, Look up.  This is going fast.  Your life here is barely a breath.  There is more, way more.
• I knew that when the breath of God had dripped off of me, I was not going back . . . it wasn't an encounter tha twould shape my life:  it was THE encounter with God that would define my life.

On June 19, just 15 days before the accident, God confirmed that I had a book to write.  I listed what He told me not to do:

1. Research to see if it has been done before
2. Ask anyone's opinion
3. Give up before starting
4. Let somebody else's dream take precedence

And then I immediately received what I called the C's.  I think it is odd and sometimes corny when speakers/pastors speak from outlines where all the topics start with the same letter.  Well, that's what I got.

1. Call
2. Confirmation
3. Courage
4. Completion
5.  

I heard the call loud and clear.  Then came the confirmation.  I assumed courage was what it would take to act on the call, but I had no idea just how much courage it would take after the accident.  (When Kelly and Travis chose "Courageous" by Casing Crowns as one of the songs for the funeral, I just sobbed.)  

I felt strongly that there were five C's, so I just left number five blank.  It seemed weird, but so did the whole "C" thing.  And then in September, God gave me the last one: Confidence.

I'm not really sure if it should be go before Completion.  Either I need some confidence to reach completion or after completion, I will have more confidence. 

I know that God began a good work in me, and He has plans to complete it.  Because my steps are ordered by the Lord, I am willing to dream big and take a risk and do something crazy for Him.   

MEMORY MAKER

Three months. A lot has changed in three months.  Even the season.
 

Unlike the craziness of summer with its whirlwind of activities and places to be, fall for me is more about comfort, relaxation, and contemplation.  Falling leaves, crisp breezes, soft blankets, and simmering pots of soup seem to wrap me in their arms of security, preparing me for a rest that my body and mind so badly need.
 

I have changed--just like the season. My carefree season of life is over for now.

 

I worry more than I used to.

 

I worry about forgetting what Nate's voice sounds like. I worry about forgetting the funny things he did. I worry about moving on without him. I worry that people think I'm moving on without him. I worry that joy will not come in the morning.  I am tired, physically and emotionally.  I welcome fall and anticipate her work in my life.
 

I also think a lot more about life and purpose and God’s plan.  
 

The day before the accident that claimed Nate's life, he turned 11. On a whim, I invited him to spend the day with me, running errands. I remember thinking that I wanted to be more intentional about having meaningful conversations with my grandchildren.   
 

On the way to an appointment, I launched into a conversation about a specific regret I have in life with the motive of challenging him to consider making some wise decisions while he was young.  My regret is that I never became an "expert" at anything.  I enjoy a level of success in many areas, but I don’t consider myself a true “expert” at anything. 
 

Nate was to be homeschooled this year, so I knew he would have time to delve into some studies that specifically interested him.  I offered to buy him the books he would need to become an expert in any area he wanted.  We talked about his love of swimming and competing on the swim team at the local Boys and Girls Club. With the Olympics just around the corner, he could research famous swimmers, learning their stories and memorizing their stats.  His passion for the sport could be carried over into his conversations with others.  He got excited about that idea.
 

We talked about his artistic talents and how his mother had opened her art studio, I Am An Artist, because of him. We considered what that might mean in his future. Maybe he would franchise the business and take it to the next level.  Maybe he would go to art school.  He told me that he already knew a lot about famous artists from his mom, so it would make sense to keep learning about them as well. 
 

Geography and history also came up, and then I lamented about not being raised in a Christian home and not starting to hide God’s Word in my heart until I was an adult.  I told him how blessed he was because he already knew so much about the Lord and had so much Scripture memorized.  He was closer to being an expert on the Bible than I ever could be.  So he considered becoming an expert in history, geography, and the Bible as well. 
 

That was Nate.  Why not go for it all?  He ran a triathlon at age ten, if you remember. 
 

I realize now that that day was a gift from a loving God, and I will cherish every memory of it.  I will also cherish what my loving Father revealed to me this day while writing about it:  I am a memory maker.
 

I’m pretty sure I am an “expert” memory maker.  And because I have spent time making sweet memories with Nate—just like on the day of July 3, 2012, I have no regrets.  And I believe that those memories will be what brings healing and peace and eventually, joy back into my life.  

STORY STONE

In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye . . . we will be changed. 1 Cor. 15:52

And we were, in a moment, forever changed.

Everyone has them: defining moments that set or change the course of one’s life. Some just pass by with such subtlety that they are barely noticed, like choosing chemistry third period instead of American history where you will eventually meet a lifelong friend. Those moments are the finely etched lines in the story stone of life.

Then there are the defining moments that happen with such force that you have no choice but to take immediate notice. There is no eventually to those moments. They instantly become crevices--not lines--that add the depth to the story stone of your life. And while finely etched lines may be “adjusted” or carved over, these crevices are there to stay. And we are given a choice: Will we choose to find the beauty in the depth?

A deep crevice was carved in my stone on July 4, 2012.

That day held so much promise.

What could have been better than a day on the lake celebrating our favorite holiday with all of my children and grandchildren? Today, 38 days later, I know that a lot of scenarios could have been better. I don’t doubt that maybe in 1038 days, I will have crawled out of that deep crevice to see a glimpse of the bigger picture; but there will be no crawling out today.

Today I will have to live by faith and just believe without seeing that there is truly a bigger, more beautiful picture. And that is all I can do.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

COUNTRY LIVING FAIR - ATLANTA

What a weekend!  The Country Living Fair exceeded my expectations in many ways, but most importantly, it gave me a huge dose of inspiration.  It was just what I needed!  I went with daughter Kelly and sisters-in-law, Marie and Kathy.  Kathy came all the way from Connecticut for the fun!  And fun we had.

Inspiration 1:  COATS

I bought one at Anthropologie before I left Atlanta.

Inspiration 2:  BURLAP

Not really sure about the pants, but still they caught my eye!

I did ask her if she was wearing them as a punishment.

She assured me that they were lined.

Loved the shade!

Wished I had thought of bringing a cart--with a burlap bow!

Inspiration 3:  DISPLAYS

clever, clever, clever

Inspiration 4:  Oil Cloth

I just had to have those buntings  in the background for my camper!
One side is colorful and the other is black chalkboard.  LOVE!

Inspiration 5:  RUFFLES

Yes, I had to try on those ruffled pants in the freezing cold in the outdoor dressing room!

Inspiration 6:  LAYERS
Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words.
Never did figure out the hula hoop.

Inspiration 7:  CRAZY REPURPOSING

Inspiration 8:  CARI from HGTV's Cash and Cari

Inspiration 9:  SISTERS ON THE FLY

So true!

CARRIED AWAY DEBUT

By golly, it seems like forever since I've blogged or even thought about blogging.  Where does the time go?  I hate that I've kept everybody waiting so long to see the progress on my little camper project.  But I do believe you will think it worth the wait.  While it is not done yet, I do feel that I am in the homestretch.  I took Carried Away on her first outing last weekend--not quite perfect, but still quite capable of handling a weekend at the lake.

Against the strong opinion of my son, I decided to paint the outside myself for four very good reasons.  

1. It was cheaper.  Much cheaper.
2. It was quicker.  Much quicker.
3. Her condition warranted it.  No matter how much I spent, this little girl was never going to look perfect.  She's old and has battle scars that were just not going to be covered up with a fancy-schmancy paint job.  She's a lot like me.
4. It's been done successfully before.  I did my research and there are plenty of hand-painted trailers owned by Sisters on the Fly.  That was good enough for me.

Also against the strong opinion of my son, I choose to paint her bottom bright yellow.  There are some good reasons for that as well.  

1. Everyone in the family (except my son) voted on that color.
2. It was a color on the shelf at Home Depot (Rustoleum oil-based).
3. It made me smile and sing "You Are My Sunshine." 

You may wonder why my son's opinion is even mentioned here.  Well, that would be because he did all the inside carpentry work.  I did, as nicely as possible, remind him that he was on the construction committee not the decorating committee.  In the end, he did agree that she looked pretty good considering.

Tessa had enough sense to take a shot of my beginning efforts. I admit that I had my doubts for a few hours.

I am quite happy with the results.  Of course, I still have the white to paint on the top.  Labor Day weekend did not wait for me to finish. Husband had enough sense to stop and have me take a photo of her first outing.

It was some feat getting this comfy mattress through the door, but oh, it was worth it.  Unfortunately, it came off of my guest room bed, so that room looks weird right now.

There are lots of  things to notice in the kitchen besides I did not finish painting that board. That was because it was nailed in right before we left.

1. The old tin was one of the pieces I bought at an auction for $10.
2. The string of lights I bought on clearance at Home Depot.
3. The dish towel from William Sonoma came from Goodwill.
4. The bar and little shelf thing came from IKEA.
5. Modern conveniences:  micro, fridge, stovetop

And now onto the dining area.

I fell in love with that yellow Waverly fabric at a local outlet.  It was $5 a yard.  I already had the blue that I used for the piping.  I actually had a local guy do the cushions for $25 a piece--worth every penny!  I know that the tablecloth does not really match, but the table was still a little sticky from painting.  *grin*

I made the curtains from some long IKEA ones that I had previously used in the house.  I love the little pinch pleats and the red rings that I sewed on.  I did not want to use the clip-on ones that are so popular . They are hung by twine right now, but that may change. 

I have several more things to finish and tweak, but I could not go another day without sharing. I hope you will stop back to see some more finishing touches.  I have a trip planned for October, so it will motivate me. I promise!  And in closing . . . the following photos were just too cute not to share.

That sink came in handy.  Temperatures were over 100, and Jett was a sweaty mess!

 I do believe he thought I got "Carried Away" when I pulled out my special shower gel. 

 "Please, Grandma, must I smell so . . . pretty?"

VINTAGE CAMPER - TAKE SIX

Wow! I'm even impressing myself with all these posts in one day. It makes it look like we've been really busy on that camper this weekend! The truth is that son Michael has been at the Police Academy for the last two months, so he has only been able to work on it on weekends. He has been very generous with his off time considering that he now has so little of it!

I was kind of running out of money for this project--actually, I never really had any money for this project.  The guys had been using this and that from around the shop.  Well, this and that ran out last week, so I had to get a bit creative.  I cashed in a handful of gold jewelry--the majority of which was found in apartments that hubby had cleaned out.  There were a few pieces that I no longer wore or cared about.  The value of gold is high right now, so I was able to get about $500.  Son Michael is happy to now have a bit of a budget.

The table and benches went in this weekend.

Michael made a track for the piece that is needed to make the table area into a bed.  Clever, he is!

And the storage area under the bed is enormous.  It can be accessed from the outside also!

And, of course, he hinged the bench seats for additional storage.

The window frames are going to the sandblaster's tomorrow. 

What's next?  Glad you asked!

• Flooring - found in the warehouse (no cost)
• Old tin backsplash - bought at an auction a while back (no cost)
• Install cabinet doors (need to buy hardware)
• Hook up sink and stove (had sink, stove came with camper)
• Run gas lines
• Caulk and paint
• Buy new tires and hubcaps (no bargain)
• Upholster cushions (foam will cost, fabric have)
• Make curtains (have several ways I could go with what I have)
• Design outside lettering and choose colors (hopefully Tessa is on this one)
• Sell my first born to pay for exterior painting? Just kidding.
• Accessorize and stock the thing all cute like

I am sure that there are other things that the guys are planning on doing that I have no clue about like brake lights and such.   Once school is out at the end of the week, I will get to help a bit more with it.

VINTAGE CAMPER - TAKE FIVE - THE NAME

In the books I have read about vintage campers, it is suggested that you pick the name before you even start the project. If I had waited until I had the name, the bushes would still be growing out the backside because my guys would have lost interest. Nothing, I mean, nothing came to me for the longest time. And then, there it was. And I knew. After weeks of thinking and praying--yes, that probably sounds ridiculous considering the important things that there are to pray about, but I was desperate--it just was so very apparent. I was at the mall in Bath and Body Works, and saw this:

And standing in that store, I could see it painted on the side.  And I let out a squeal.  And Tessa *got* it right away.  And I was happy, very happy.  And I will try not to get carried away with this post.  It's just that it communicates why I even wanted a vintage camper.  The added plus is that I love the scent and have a gift card to buy it for when I get carried away this summer!

VINTAGE CAMPER - TAKE FOUR

Okay, so far my camper duties have involved photography and an occasional planning meeting.  I am chomping at the bit to get to the decorating part.  I know all this structural stuff is important, but really   I was very happy to see the light fixture go in above my bed.  Love, love, love it..  And it only costs $20 at Lowe's.

Son Michael has made all new cabinets, including doors and drawer fronts.  He is something, that boy!

There is quite a bit of storage in the seats and under the bed area.

He never stops working.  Got to love a guy like that.